If you could pick out one thing that you despise the most, what would it be? A smell? A person? A taste? A color?
Well for me... Well that would be a time period. And why you ask? Well the answer is simple. Creativity.
I picture my life like photographing an ocean. When the sea is at rest, you're pictures are serene, but melancholy. Sure, when the sun hits the water at the right moment, you may get lucky with one or two worthwhile shots, but let's face it...there's no life. No emotion in your product.
But, when there's a storm...every shot is beyond beautiful. Your pictures are thriving and alive, as the waves dance with the treacherous lightening bolts. And why? Because in that moment, there is chaos. And chaos is free. There is no control, no limits, no boundaries..chaos is real, and it is passion. It's that tear in your eye, or the shattered glass on the floor. It's rebellion. And it cries and yearns, and it is real. It is something everyone can identify with.
And it is only during this time in my life, that I feel that my writing withholds any perpetual significance at all. AKA. Flowers blossoms out of darker moments. It's sad really. Sometimes I feel as though I purposely set myself up for failure. Like going to a sold out concert thinking you're going to get front row seats..when you know there is no chance in hell.
But then I think, don't we all set our set up for failure, to some degree? I mean haven't we all had that relationship, where our friends warned us to get out over and over...but still we stay in it anyway? Whether that emotion is good or bad? We thrive a bit on that chaos..just to feel alive in our own skin. And I don't think that's wrong.
Life is not cake and flowers, and anyone who says it is has never lived.
I guess for myself, I sometimes wish I never had the passion to write. Because, setting yourself up for failure time and time again, gets rather tiresome and lonely. But maybe that's just in the cards for me at this moment.
Now Playing: Eminem feat. Rihanna "Love The Way You Lie"
1 comment:
This is what I was talking about :)
It's the chaos in my life that causes the change. And sadly, it's tempting to stay in a rut of a life that clings to what I know and feel comfortable in.. to what I've done and feel completely safe doing... like how old people eat at the same restaurants and get the same meals over and over...
Some of my craziest calamities are my best stories, and the cause of change; change for the better. I set my self up for failure like most people do: I don't think about all the changes in my life that I need to make until the need arises or until I'm stressed out.
I used to think, I just need to be 'open' to everyone and always listen, but I think my best interest really lies in forcing what I believe to be true to the outer reaches of my thoughts and actions! :) do what I know must be done to get what I want.
I hope that you find what you want, but also continuously seek it. This blog really clicked with me Alex so I'm glad you wrote it. You're making a difference :)
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