Dear God, I tell you I'm lost here, awaiting reply.

Have you ever had a dream that just pieced together everything you've been going through? Last night was sure that for me. Typically, I can never recall my dreams...unless it's the one regarding the candy monster in my front lawn...(long story). Anyways...the dream was rather simple, but yet so complex at the same time. There were no people..just a simple crossroad, where in the middle, I stood. As I turned to look at each road, each path that lay before me...I could see different seasons distinctly flooding each road. One Summer. One Spring. One Winter. One Fall. All different roads, all beautiful in their own light. As I stood there, looking down each road...I realized I had to make a choice...a choice that would effect my life forever. But this choice, wasn't one I could ponder, for I could feel the sun above my head weighing down on me, and the longer I stood in the crossroads, the closer and heavier it became.

It was at this point when I woke up. Strangely enough it all made sense at an instant, at least to me. I've always been the type of person who has a plan, a strategy if you will...to keep myself occupied, out of trouble. I thrive on overloading, working, and always having something to do. Because as my mother taught me from a young age, an empty mind is a devils workshop. Yet-this seems to be the first time in my life, where my direction is skewed, and I have no clue as to what I want or where I want to go. I question if the choices I have made were a waist. I question if the path I've begun walking down for the past four years, was the right one at all. Can I turn back around to the crossroads and change my mind?

While I have been throwing myself into various hobbies to keep me motivated...it isn't enough. I've lost direction, I've lost a sense of purpose...and it's all become a blur. Frustrated. Confused. Depressed. Sad. It's all taken over me...and I guess in the end I am continually questioning my purpose. I know each and everyone of us goes through rough choices in their lives...but most of the wonderful people I've gotten to know throughout the years...have some sort of direction, motivation..strive..Something I once had, but now have no idea.

Maybe all of this chaos that is filling up my mind, is a sign that I am about to embark upon a change in my life, and if that is the case..then I hope it will come, and I hope it will come fast. I need a new direction, a fresh start, and to figure out myself; because I am the farthest from on track as anyone could ever be.

It's funny because after having this dream...and thinking about these thoughts throughout the day, I heard this song (yes it's A&A again)...but I feel like it sums up everything in my life. Everything. I honestly don't know if anyone even reads the rubbish I write...but if you are reading this...and even if you are not a fan, listen to this song. It's simply...amazing.

"And dear God, I found out the same things we learn when we die. I found out the truth is its all a big lie. I find that the words are hard to describe. I tell you Im lost here, awaiting reply. I found out whats wrong, and its not you or I. Or anyone else that you chose here tonight. It seems like the madness of choice in the life. Has made it all clear if we run or we hide"